Not ....

Saying you "loved" me, with that look in your eye,
I could say, it was a cold hearted lie,
I know that you care, in your own twisted way
But the rage inside you, slowly flared.
I admit I've made a mistakes
Which made me look fake,

Remember how it was, when we first started out?
We fell so hard ... so hard ...
At one point you'd notice, ONLY me in the room.
We both did things we can't undo,
Now it seems our relationship is headed for doom,
And not that long ago, I was EVERYTHING to you, Now your looking for other things to "do"

So why is it like this?
Why can't we even talk? and act like you don't care, All the while, our care for each other is still there.
I never meant to hurt you the first time, or cause you any pain,
I know neither of us want to go through this same old shit again.

I owe you so much, and I have so much to prove to you
And are left with all these wondering questions of why?
Why can't we get past the past?
You think if somebody hurts you its me ... that did it to you?
How could you think that of me....?

 I know you're looking for other things to "do",
You're sick of me, and want something new ...

I hate my life and want to die
It doesn't even matter anymore
I sit here holding this beautiful gun
With its help, my pain is gone
The most beautiful explosion I'll ever hear
Is that of this gun as the bullet draws near
Hitting my skull and killing my brain
This cute little bullet will end my pain ...

Through life, I have been a fighter
Standing, believing in all so sweet
Slowly degrading,
I have been stripped and cut
That nothing has remained but a hurt, broken doll
Bruised, battered she is ... that’s me.

I have reached out for friendship, love and peace
Alas ... 'tis only pain, scorn and rejection I find...
 I don't know how it came to this
My life you see, has never been bliss
Happiness has always eluded me
And when it's in my grasp
For some reason it has to flee.

I wish it didn't have to be this way
Wish there was some other way
To deal with my pain
I think of my small nucleus of a family and sit and cry
They may wonder why I had to die I hope they do not dwell on me
The best thing for them Is simply to forget me...
As life in general, has forgotten me in any case.
         
 RIP ... I loose

Please if you are suicidal please seek help

www.suicide helpline.org