I want to taste ....

I was chatting 2 a friend the other night and shared of a choice I made.
Which led, to heartache in my life. ...
The reaction was albeit disappointed in my actions, their disappointment in me was a stab 2 the heart and I felt my selfworth go down a few notches, in theirs and mine ... and this made me think.

One thorn of experience is worth a whole wilderness of learning

Before you can live a part of you has to die.
You have to let go of what could have been, how you should have acted and what you wish you would have said differently.
You have to accept that you can’t change the past experiences, opinions of others at that moment in time or outcomes from their choices or yours.
When you finally recognize that truth then you will understand the true meaning of forgiveness of yourself
From this point of forgiving myself I am finally free in my thinking and actions

I am slowly letting go of expectations.
I have expectations of: a person, an experience, a vacation, a job, a book — I put it in a predetermined box that has little to do with reality.
I tend to set up an idealized version of the thing (or person) and then try to fit the reality into this ideal, and am often disappointed.
Instead, I should try to experience reality as it is, appreciate it for what it is, and be happy that it is.
I always expect the worst because then my disappointnent wont be so big.
This thinking causes me to boikot friendships,  love and I have this wall .... a safety net I have placed in my life.

I would rather let go of the safety nets in my life
There are many different wines in this world and sometimes we have to leap out and taste them.
Sometimes just a sip will do and other times, I have to finish the whole bloody bottle, even thou the outcome might be pleasurable or with a hangover....

I want to live
With the wind in my face
I want to spread my wings
I want to have a rich life time of experiences then a mediocre, "safe" life
I want to dance crazely
I want to hug exuberantly
I want to love intensely

I guess this makes me a bit off beat and intense

I jump into life, experiences with all I am..
Giving 100% and more
This has made me a great mother...
A hard worker...
A friend, who always has your back...
A resting place for some...
A wife worth more than rubies...
I am fully woman ....

I believe wholeheartedly in innocence
I am a total romantic
I always believe and hope...like a child ... this is my downfall ....
Yet... I am an old soul with a depth of wisdom gained from failed and successful life experiences

I am human...I fall...yet I live ...

“There are three kinds of men.
The ones that learn by readin’.
The few who learn by observation.
The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.”
― Will Rogers